Jokes I Make Up So I Can Laugh Alone - 37

There is an ad on the radio in Bangalore for some children's food. The tag line is - 

"Have you fed your child's brain today?"

And every time the radio asks me that, I ask back - "To who? No one will eat it."

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Blog Camp Kerala!

http://www.blogcampkerala.com/

Tagged

If any one other than love of my life Cyn had done this, I wouldn't have bothered to make the effort.

So here goes.

Part - 1: Explaining the tag (shamelessly copy pasted from her blog).

In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst movie you can think of. Bonus points if you have to show off your Google skills because you can’t remember the name of it and all you can come up with is that it features Roz Russell and Sandra Dee. Turns out it was some tripe called Rosie! Exclamation point the producers’ idea, not mine.“Auntie Mame leavings.”

In seven syllables, no more, no less, describe your worst date. Bonus points if it was sordid. Subtract points if it sounds too much like an overweight fifteen year old Goth girl.“He pushed my head down. I puked.”

In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst job you ever had.

Put it all together and you have a haiku of life’s low points.

Disclaimer: I can't count syllables very well, so let's not get anal about it.

Movie -

Bird, two men, one name (Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon)

Date (or social occasion) -

Fork flew, hit host, gravy nose (At a formal sit down dinner in an Army mess, I also managed to make the chicken piece I was trying to attack slide all the way across the table)

Job -

Made peon, odd jobs, unpaid.

So there. It's done. And for those of you who want to try it, here's a cool tool - http://www.wordscount.info/hw/syllable.jsp

That's how I got my bonus points for Googling.

Huh?

Radio Ga Ga

Radio sucks!

Especially in Delhi, where the attack of the killer clones seems to be the everlasting theme for all the music they play, along with the screechy, trashy, inane RJs babbling on about bullshit.

And then there is AIR FM Rainbow.

I imagine dusty studios, with people who have been working there all their lives. Somehow all the women who RJ on AIR draw up an image of Salma Sultan in my head. They speak softly, with perfect Hindi or English, and no gimmicks - announce the song, maybe add a tidbit about it, and get on with the music.

But sometimes even Rainbow outdoes itself.

This morning the sky over Badgaon looked like it was announcing judgment day. Brown sky, slowly turning into black, large drops of muddy rain splattering about, and the wind kicking swirls of dust into the already brown sky.

N and I got into the car for the skirmish to get to work, and as usual put the radio on.

Faith by George Michael is just ending. The RJ comes on air, says we can send feedback to westernmusicair@gmail.com, and signs off.

Someone comes on air to read us the news headlines.

The next song that plays does the magic for the day.

As we drive past mountains of mud created by the monsters DLF, a familiar riff strums out.

Its Band on the Run by  Paul McCartney and the Wings. 

The car ploughs on through manic Monday traffic.

Stuck inside these four walls
Sent inside forever
Never seeing no one nice again like you
Mama you, mama you

We drive past a shredded hoarding of the Bangalore Royal Challengers, pieces fluttering in the wind. There is a man pissing into the wind, wearing a helmet. There is a cycle rickshaw careening across the road and into oncoming traffic, because of the wind. Its passengers holding on for deal life.

If I ever get out of here
Thought of giving it all away
To a registered charity
All I need is a pint a day
If I ever get out of here
If we ever get out of here

A string of traffic cones play dominos, throwing the traffic into further disarray. As we pull into the parking lot, the rain crashed down and security guards ran for cover, deserting their posts and their fake bravado. No Parking signs relented, construction sites seemed to bend towards collapse and all the glass vibrated like the climax of Matrix Revolutions. The radio played on.

Well the rain exploded with a mighty crash
As we fell into the sun
And the first one said to the second one there
I hope you’re having fun

N and I knew we had a magic moment there. Our eyes scanned the sky as it disappeared over the concrete cavern of underground parking for some sign of sanity. But all we had was the radio.

Band on the run
Band on the run
And the jailer man and sailor sam
Were searching every one

Thank you for the music.